Following are some things we learned while parenting children from hard place. Feel free you add your own idea's, I know I haven't even scraped the surface of trauma parenting advice.
-You must advocate for your child because no one else will. I know everyone tells you that and if you are like me, you get weary of hearing it but it is so important. Even if the professionals on your child's team think you are being ridiculous, insist on the tests and additional help you think your child needs.
-You know your child better than anyone else, even if that someone else spends hours weekly with your child. He is still yours and you have known him much longer than teachers, therapists, psychiatrists, RTC directors.....
-Children with AD & RAD are excellent at manipulating those around them. Those who say they are able to see through your child's attempts to manipulate them and will never fall for it are most likely the very people that your child has the most "fun" with.
-If your therapist gives the child permission to go against parental rules, find another therapist
-Document everything, everything! Emails, letters, phone calls, doctor appointments, episodes of acting out everything and anything you can think of because like one mom said if your child has severe RAD it is not if but when CPS will investigate you and if you have proper documentation it is so helpful. Leave a paper trail. Print everything out and keep in a fireproof safe under lock n key.
-Keep in constant contact with your childs teachers. Have regular meetings with the school staff and document those meetings....get the signatures of all who attended.
-Take minutes for every meeting held in regard to your child and add these minutes to the stash in your safe.
-Be careful who you talk to and what you say. The general public does not understand RAD and cannot fathom that a child from a hard place would be so determined to destroy those who added him to their family. It doesn't make sense therefore it must not be true, is the general thinking
-Your childs brain/psych is so messed up, your healthy brain will never understand. Don't even try to follow their logic as there is nothing logical about their thinking.
-Become familiar with your state/county's laws and regulations. Take it upon yourself to learn what rights you as the foster/adoptive parent has because if you do not know your rights, CPS certainly won't tell you.
-Never attend a high profile meeting without an advocate. Someone who advocates for you and your family, someone who has your best interest in mind. Bradens advocate helped us so much, probably more than we will ever know. CPS will know that the advocate knows what is legal protocol and won't be as easily fooled.
-If the psychiatrist wants to medicate your child learn the side affects and if possible speak to other parents who have children on the same medication so you have a better idea if this medication is what your child needs. You are responsible for your child.
-Never leave your sick child alone with your healthy children. Even if you think it is only while I run to the bathroom what could happen in such a short time? Trauma only takes seconds to inflict and the results can be devastating to a family.
-Try to find one good thing about your child every day (I am still working on this one) it will help your morale.
-Do not leave your child with a babysitter who does not understand your child's illness. So much damage can be done, most of it unintentionally on your babysitters part.
-Take time for your healthy children. The saying, "The squeaky wheel gets the attention" is certainly true when your child has a serious mental illness. You are always thinking, "when I get thus and thus under control," I will spend time with the other children. If your child has RAD he will make certain there is always something needing to be dealt with and even if your child is unable to manage his behavior, it seems there is always something needing your immediate attention.
-Find a support group where you can vent and know the other members will understand why you have such an absurd sense of humor and laugh at things that wouldn't be funny if you didn't live in such a crazy place.
-Your child's illness and consequent behavior's do not define who you are
-God placed this child in your home for a reason or as my son's therapist told me," He is your refining fire, he brings out all of your impurities." A child with RAD has the ability to bring out all the junk hidden inside of you
-Pray without ceasing there are days when you will need to pray for strength to get through the next moment without falling to pieces.
-Honor the threat, if your child makes a comment, writes a note or in any way insinuates that he is about to do something drastic (you know what I mean) honor the threat and do everything possible to keep your child, family and others safe.
-Last of all, you are not crazy even if there are days you seriously wonder if you are losing your mind.
This blog post was shared on: http://www.rosilindjukic.com/2015/03/3-things-consider-before-hitting-publish.html
Friday, January 30, 2015
Things You should Know If You Are Parenting A Child From Hard Places
I am a daughter of the King, wife to Dean and mother to four. 1 biological, 3 adopted through the foster care system. I enjoy reading, writing, coffee, research and caring for my family. Blogging is another hobby of mine, you can find my blog at: talesfromourhouse.blogspot.
com also follow me on FB Tales From Our House Blog. I blog about daily family life, Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), FASD (Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder) and adoption. I would love to have you follow my blog so I can share the amazing things I am learning.