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I don't often write about the other "huge trauma," in my life...that of antidepressant withdrawal. Sometimes I don't know which is hardest, parenting children with trauma/brain challenges or trying to manage my own physical/mental issues that come as I attempt to taper off this brain altering medication.
I realized I needed to get off this medication when I found myself needing multiple other prescription medications to manage the side affects caused by Effexor. I talked to my doctor about it and he said, "No problem." At the time I was on 300 mg and he told me he will prescribe 150 and see how it goes. I didn't feel to bad with that drop, but when I dropped to 75 mg. I felt horrible. I remember telling Dean, "Don't leave me," because I didn't trust myself. I knew my brain was not functioning correctly and the thought's I was getting due to my intense physical pain scared me. I told my doctor how I felt and he brushed me off. He insisted that the lower the dose the less withdrawal I would have. I didn't trust him anymore and began doing my own research.
I found supplements that were helpful as antidepressants reduce your adrenal function. I also found a group who recommends a 10% drop every four weeks at the most. To achieve this, I bought a scales and weighed the teeny beads inside each capsule. Tapering tends to make your body super sensitive and eventually weighing the beads wasn't precise enough so I found a compounding pharmacy who was willing to make the exact dose I needed. I have been tapering for 2.5 years and at the rate I am going I will have several more ahead of me, so next week I am going to try a bigger taper - 10%. To say I am terrified is putting it mildly. The anxiety is nearly getting the best of me this week because I know what I have ahead of me.
People often ask what withdrawal is like. I find it difficult to explain but I will give it my best shot here.
- Brain zaps - It literally feels like bolts of electricity are flashing through your brain.
-Head ache's - They feel like a vice and cut your ability to think or reason. Some people sleep with ice packs to alleviate the brain pressure.
-Insomnia - Wide awake during the night with racing thoughts and severe fatigue during the day.
-All manner of gastrointestinal issue's. You name it, you will have it.
- The intense desire to crawl out of your skin. For me, this is one of the worst. Clothing hurts, combing my hair is painful, my skin itches, but I can't alleviate the itch.
- Chills - my hands and feet will turn white/purple and be icy cold. My inner core is freezing and even a hot shower does little to warm me. My family is used to seeing me wrapped in blankets, sweaters and drinking hot tea.
- Then there is the psychological aspect - depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts (Yes, I know how to handle them and when to seek help) severe anger and irritability.
- Inability to carry on a conversation, extreme forgetfulness, inability to make decisions (my poor husband gets so many phone calls because I cannot make even the most basic of decisions). I have been known to walk away in the middle of a conversation because my brain suddenly "forgot" I was talking to someone.
There are times I am tempted to just quite taking my medication and suffer through the ensuing pain, but the stories of people who have done this and are living with these, and worse symptoms years down the road, hold me back. I still have at least 2 years ahead of me and sometimes I think I can't do it, listening to these stories puts that time frame into perspective. Last night Dean told me to look back on the 2.5 years I have come through and focus on them which is helpful, however I know the further you taper the more intense the withdrawal symptoms and that is not at all comforting!
The frustrating thing is, that the pharmaceutical companies tell doctors that this medication, and others like it, only cause minimal side affects in a select few patients, or that if the patient does have withdrawal that means he needs the medication.
There is one bright spot though, every time I taper and come through the withdrawal, I can enjoy life a bit more. For so many years my senses were numbed by this medication. I didn't realize it, but now that I am slowly getting it out of my system, the sky is brighter, there is joy in life again....but by then it is time to taper a little more and I go through the whole cycle again. Another plus, I have already been able to successfully eliminate one of my prescription medications, so I will keep pressing onward!
Not all antidepressants cause such intense withdrawal when you try to discontinue them. Only SSRI's and SNRI's have this ability with SNRI's being the worst of the two, and I have the dubious privilege of being on an SNRI. I share this because I know how freely antidepressants are given out (I also acknowledge that there is a place for them) and if my story can spare anyone the pain and trauma me and my family have been enduring these past years, I will be grateful!
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I have recently, as in the past 6 months, embarked on a new learning curve, one I never dreamed I would experience personally. Through foster care and adoption I have learned, or thought I learned, the basics of withdrawal and how it affects someone. But until I began walking this journey myself, I will now admit I was absolutely clueless. Now before you start thinking I was using some form of illegal drug to "help" me cope, let me clarify, I was/am not.
When Tristan was three months old I was diagnosed with PPD (postpartum depression) and after trying various medications, none of which worked, my doctor prescribed Effexor an SSRI, and praise God it worked! I was assured there were no effects from long term use and by the time I should have been thinking of weaning, we were deep into infertility treatments, which is not a good time to get off your antidepressant's! Then it was foster care, adoption, RAD and well, you get the picture. When your home life is organized chaos at best, it is not the time to think of weaning.
Over the years I began adding more medications to my daily intake. medications for dizziness, another antidepressant that gave me more energy because Effexor is a "downer," and made me very tired and lethargic... and the list goes on. So I spoke with my doctor and told him I want to get off of this medication. He agreed, and I went from 300 mg to 150 mg and plunged headlong into withdrawal. 2 months later, I emerged feeling great but dreading the thought of the rest of the weaning process.
At my next appointment, my doctor gave me a two week prescription for 37.5 mg. "Take it for two weeks. By then your body will be used to the lower dose and you can quit taking it altogether," was his advice. "But what about withdrawal?" I asked. He assured me I wouldn't go through withdrawal from such a low dose.
I was in a panic, so in desperation, I began researching Effexor and how it affects people. I was surprised to find entire support groups just for people weaning off of this nasty medication. There was talk of locked psych unit's and horrible physical and emotional reactions. To say I was scared, is putting it mildly, because by this time I was experiencing withdrawal even worse than I had the previous time.
Think the worse flu you ever had multiplied, combined it with head ache's, dizziness, extreme body aches, emotional instability along with a whole host of other symptoms. I was desperate because I honestly didn't know if my body could tolerate totally going off this drug in one more week. Thankfully I found a support group that listed supplements to help ease symptoms as well as weaning advice. The Road Back is another group I found, and they have a supplement designed specifically for Effexor withdrawal. These groups advise opening your capsules and taking out ten percent of the granules, every 4-6 weeks or as you feel able to limit withdrawal symptoms, a far cry from halving your dose and going off all within two weeks time!
4 months after my second medication reduction, I am seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. I think I can finally say life is enjoyable again, I am no longer taking Ibuprofen every few hours just to function and the brain fog that clouds my ability to focus is fading.
Why do I share this here? Because this experience has been quite an eye opener to me and I know many of my readers have children on psychiatric meds. Not all medications have as severe side effects as SSRI's but this experience has made us more conscious of our children's reactions when they are "off their meds."
According to the doctor, you do not go through withdrawal with stimulants, but ever since Kiana has been on them, Dean has been certain that when her med's wear off, she experiences a form of withdrawal. Her behavior deteriorates and she becomes much more hyper active than she was before taking her medication. Mornings are even worse, we have one goal in mind when she wakes up, eat and take that pill!
Kiana's doctor recommended giving her a break from stimulants for the summer, as she has been on them for a long time. To say the last month has been an emotional month is an understatement! She was angry, so very angry over inconsequential things, things that it didn't even make sense to be angry about.
My cloudy brain (from my own withdrawal) took awhile to remember a phase I went through, a phase or irrational anger. It was scary for me as an adult to feel so angry and I knew what was causing it. After about a week the anger faded away and a new symptom took it's place, typical for Effexor withdrawal.
When I finally realized that Kiana's anger and severe mood swings were probably due to withdrawal, we changed how we approached her attitudes, but it didn't make a difference.
Fast forward and she is back on her meds and our happy, cheerful little girl is back again. The doctor said, "Some children need these med's and we are doing her no favors by not giving them to her." Thus ended our attempts at a summer free of stimulants. Kiana needs them for school so why put her through the agony of withdrawal, only to put her back on in a few months?
In conclusion, if you or your child are on psychiatric med's, be careful, withdrawal is real, can be dangerous and even life threatening. Be careful, we need to remember we are dealing with the brain!
Check out Better Help's tips on dealing with depression.
