Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Is It Ever Okay To Say, Enough?

Is it ever okay to say, we can no longer parent a child?

Is it acceptable to find them another home? If so, under what conditions?

-When the child has ruined every one of his parent's relationships?

-When he has ruined his parents marriage?

-When a sibling has run away from home or threatened to take his life to escape the chaos the RAD child brings into the home?

-When the family has to barricade themselves inside their bedroom at night?

-When CPS knocks on your door and threatens to remove all your children because the child with RAD has made false allegations, again? 

- When your children are removed from your home because someone felt you were being unfair to the child with RAD?

-When your child threatens your life along with giving a detailed description of his plans?

-When your child has been in and out of psychiatric hospitals for years and continues to get worse instead of better?

-When you fear for the siblings of the child with RAD?

-When he has gone through RTC's without making any progress?

-When he steals a vehicle and leads authorities on a chase, or worse?

-When he abuses his parents and/or siblings?

-When he pits every adult in his life against each other or against his parents, creating mayhem where ever he goes?

Or, do we continue to allow them to pursue this behavior in order to avoid the criticism we are sure face? 
Do we keep them in our home because with God all things are possible?
Do we take out a loan so we can pay hundreds of thousands of dollars in treatment that at best, might help?
Do we sacrifice our relationship's with our other children so we can make an attempt at meeting the many needs that our child with RAD has? Even when we cannot imagine how we will ever meet them?
Do we bring professionals of all sorts into our home and try this that and the other technique?  When nothing works you are once again left with a deep pain and grief, wondering if perhaps you really are the problem? 

Or do we admit we are in over our heads financially, physically, mentally and emotionally? Does a time come when we can honestly say, I have done everything I know to do. I can see my child is not getting better in our home and he needs so much more than we can give him. His only chance at healing may be in finding him a new family where he is an only child and his parents can dote on him and meet his every need. There will be no younger siblings for him to abuse. Is it more loving to keep him in the home where he is tempted to abuse others and become more ill with each action? Or is it better to remove him from the temptation and save him from even more pain he will need to work through? 

Image result for when love means letting go quotes 

These questions have been burning in the minds of hundreds of parents who are parenting children with RAD. I have come to the conclusion that there is no cut and dried answer. What is right for one family may be altogether wrong for another family. God calls us to walk different paths in life and because of that we cannot use the same map our neighbor or friend is using.

....and so to answer my own question, is it right to let a child go? I can only say, sometimes yes it is and sometimes no it isn't

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