It is a well known fact that children with a history of trauma do not do well in a loud, chaotic environment. Dean and I have made a conscious effort to shield our children from over stimulating situations. You have probably all seen us pull one child or another aside when they are playing in a group. You may have wondered why we did that because as far as you could see, everything was under control. What you may not have noticed was a giggle that was higher pitched than usual, pupils that were dilated, flushed cheeks and behavior that was just slightly over the top. These are signs our child is losing control and will either melt down or do something inappropriate unless we can redirect them.
Anyway, knowing all that, I took the children to The Bounce House yesterday. Yeah, I know, not very smart.
We arrived shortly after they opened and not all of the bounce houses were inflated. When the air compressors kicked in to blow up the houses, the noise level increased but everyone was okay with it. Then the music began and more people arrived. Kiana spaced out first. She told me she doesn't know what to do. I was surprised because she was the last of my children whom I would have expected to be bothered by the noise. She would have loved to sit and play games but I told her I paid for her to jump, not play games.
Joseph held it together very well until just before we left. Several times I had him stop and take deep breaths which really helped him. He had a grand time bouncing around, climbing the ladders and going down the slides.
But ever since he (and his parents) have been paying a high price for those moments of fun. His brain is firing randomly, he cannot find the words to tell us what he wants, he is bouncing around the house, banging into things and taking apart everything he can. I literally need to watch him like he is a toddler. On the bright side we haven't had many tantrums or melt downs, amazingly.
I was feeling discouraged about the whole situation last night. I love Joseph dearly but there are times FASD is hard, when that happens I remind myself what it was like parenting a child with RAD and FASD. It is amazing how quickly one can forget!
Anyway, I was sharing my thoughts with Dean. Okay, maybe dumping my feelings would be a better term. I asked him why I cannot just accept my lot in life once and for all. I get so tired of fighting the same battle! I always come out victorious in the end but the battle can get so tiring. Dean told me that often when a christian is serving where God wants him, the tempter will come to try to steal their peace. That put things into perspective for me!
You would think that after experiencing the peace and joy of being in the center of God's will, I would know better than answering the door when the enemy comes knocking, but to often I give in and then I need to fight the battle all over again. Please pray for us, sometimes the road ahead looks overwhelming.