Tuesday, March 29, 2016

A Cabin Trip And New Therapists

     We spent Easter weekend at Deans uncles cabin.  We told the three youngest our plans the day before we left rather than wait until the last moment. Knowing plans ahead of time usually brings about intense anxiety and lot's of not so nice behavior. To solve that problem we began keeping our lips sealed about family gatherings, birthday parties and that type of thing until it was time to get ready to leave. Recently however, I have begun questioning the wisdom of that practice due to various things that have come up. So rather than wait until Friday morning when we started packing up to tell the children we were going away, I told them the day before. I waited until we were home from Joseph's OT appointment to tell them. My plan was to get them excited enough to pitch in with the cleaning without whining. Let's just say that idea wasn't one of my better one's. Around 3:00 I sent Dean a text saying, "Who's bright idea was it to tell the children our cabin plans a day early, anyway?" I think we will go back to our old method of not divulging our plans until the last minute.

   Friday morning everyone pitched in and helped load the truck. Of course the level of excitement was through the roof, along with the noise level but since it was cheerful noise, we didn't complain. Deans parents joined us from Friday afternoon until Saturday afternoon. The children didn't know they were coming so there were loud exclamations of delight when they came in the drive.

Happy Birthday! Dean's parents brought a delicious ice cream cake for his birthday.

For some reason, the three youngest didn't sleep very well. They were up early every morning and Joseph was awake several times during the night, so when Dean saw there was rain in the forecast, we decided to take them home on Sunday, a day early, so they could sleep in their own beds....and hopefully let us get some sleep as well.

Shooting targets


Joseph enjoying the swings

Dean, Lia and her baby enjoying a four wheeler ride

Kobi went along to the cabin.

On Thursday afternoon Kiana and Joseph were having big feelings so I handed them a piece of paper and told them to write the best and worst thing about going to the cabin. Joseph said he could only think of good things so I said, "Why don't you write down what you are worried about?" Turns out he was worried Kobi would run away. Last summer I bought the children journals where they wrote their feelings, drew pictures about their day and anything else we felt would help them process their feelings. During the school term, those journals got pushed to the back of the shelf. I think it is time we pull them out again and resume the practice of writing the best and worst thing about each day. Kiana is beginning therapy today and it is bound to stir up some long buried emotions. From prior experience, I know when a child begins therapy things get worse before they get better. Joseph has his first appointment with a psychologist on Monday. It probably wasn't a good idea to have two children begin therapy at once but you can't be picky about such things or you will never find the right time. I must admit I am feeling apprehensive about meeting new therapists. It takes awhile until you know if you can trust them to truly act in your child's best interest. Another concern is, how well do they understand connected parenting and what is their opinion of it. I have learned that many therapists profess to understand childhood trauma and how it affects the child's ability to bond but when it comes to daily implementation, their interpretation of connected parenting is very different than what we believe our children need. You also need to decipher whether or not the therapist feels threatened by your knowledge of attachment, trauma and development. I know for a fact that I have lot's to learn, which is why we are seeking out therapeutic help but I have been immersed in therapy for enough of years that some things have stuck, so every time I meet a new therapist I have to figure out if I need to act ignorant or discuss the things I have learned.

* like my FB page Tales From Our House Blog, to see the links I share regarding trauma, RAD, FASD and adoption.

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