Wednesday, June 8, 2016

Maybe They Don't Want To Be Rescued

     The weather outside exactly matches the weather we have been having inside here of late. This morning the sun was shining brightly and a few moments later, the rain was coming down in torrents! It rained for awhile and then the sun was shining once more. I decided to quickly do some edging around my flower beds, Shh! I know it is June but I have lot's of excuses! We were three quarters finished with the edging when it began to rain again. Joseph started hopping and dancing, trying to avoid the rain drops to no avail. Tristan, who wasn't thrilled about the edging project to begin with, thought the rain was a excellent reason to call it quits. I wanted to finish but the rain increased in intensity and we were in danger of becoming soaked, so I called off the project, much to my children's relief.

   In an earlier post I mentioned that the moods and ensuing behaviors are like the crashing waves, a crash then a lull before another crash. I think the weather we are having today is a better comparison...cool, rainy and windy with a bit of sunshine thrown in. 

   My 8 year old's were feeling cool and rainy this morning. Joseph is still mad about the whole privileges thing and Kiana, well could it be hormones!? I don't mind if they are grumpy as long as they are at least trying to make good choices. Today there wasn't any trying going on. After numerous consequences, talks and attempts to get them out of their funk, I told them they will need to sit on a chair until they are ready to try to make good choices. They sat all morning (their choice) because, as Kiana said, "I don't feel like trying!"  

   I was pondering how to help them as I mixed up bars and strawberry danish and I had to wonder if perhaps I need to stop trying to rescue them. When I am feeling like I imagine they are, I don't always want to be rescued, sometimes I just need to wallow in my misery for a bit. 

   I know what is bothering my children, we have talked about it, empathized, given consequences and held them while they cried but they simply aren't ready to let go of their perceived injustices, so maybe I need to just back off. That isn't easy though, I just want to fix things for them!

    On the bright side, Joseph gave me a sticker he found while  sweeping his bedroom floor and Kiana willingly said, "Yes mom!" when I asked her to do a job...so till the storm passes by we will enjoy the glimpses of sunlight!  

   I wrote a post (and deleted it) about normal families. See sometimes I wish we were normal, whatever that is. I think it is an absence of fear, anger, rage and manipulation but I could be wrong. Anyway as I was writing the post, I came across lot's of quotes about normal and I wanted to share some of them with you.

- Normal in this house is just a setting on the dryer. I might frame that one to hang in my laundry

- I tried normal once, worst 2 minutes of my life.

- Normal is overrated.

 And this is my favorite:

- Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly.   

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