Saturday, November 19, 2016

Because Love Is Not Enough

    Before I took Joseph to Geisinger they requested his medical records from the pediatrician. There were copies from his previous evaluations included in the records they received and those records contained information on B because his diagnosis played into what Joseph was facing.

The nurse was clarifying family information and she simply couldn't figure out how B played into this.

"So B is Joseph's brother?"


"Does he live with you?"
"No, he lives with another family?"

"Okay, so you have Tristan, B, Kiana and Lia living with you?"

"No, B doesn't live with us."

"I am confused, it says in Joseph's records that you have a child named B living with you..."

"B is Joseph's bio brother and he used to live with us but due to xyz he was readopted by another family. So Joseph's records are correct but B no longer lives with us."

"Oh, okay."

I know she didn't mean anything by her questions, she was naturally confused but having to explain the how and why kicked my PTSD into full gear.

  Yesterday I had brunch with a lady I met via my blog. She was in the area and took the time to meet with me. Her story is somewhat similar to ours so even though we were virtual strangers, we could have talked much longer than the almost 2 hours we had until I had to pick Lia up at my sister.

I was sharing about B and how when we got into foster care our goal was to lessen some of the pain in this world but when we disrupted B's adoption it felt as though we were adding pain and loss.

  This dear lady said, "You know when a birth mom relinquishes her child because she cannot provide for it, we speak of the great love she has for her child. She put her child's needs before her desires, that takes love. Is it any different than what you did for B? You could have kept him even though you knew finding him a new home was what was best for him. You did what was best for him because love was not enough to bring him healing."

  "You have the unique perspective of being an adoptive mom as well as giving a child up because you couldn't meet his needs."

 I needed to hear that, her words helped create another layer of healing. I know I have said it before, but sometimes I am amazed at how much healing has taken place while other times I wonder if the hurt will ever go away. I have a feeling it won't, there will always be a dull ache when we think of B, the death of our hopes and dreams for him and the pain involved in relinquishing a child.

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