Our children like most human's, get in a rut from time to time. The rut of using the same ineffective method over and over when trying to conquer a problem.
Dean and I fall into the rut of either too much structure and not enough nurture or vice versa. We know better but our human weaknesses get in the way.
One evening Dean was trying to impress upon a certain child that when life is hard, alienating people and lashing out will not solve the problem. A hard lesson for anyone, much less a child.
He gave the child one of his work boots and said, "Put my boot on and see if it fits." The child of course was adamant that it would be too big.
"Keep putting it on, maybe it will eventually fit," he encouraged.
The child looked at him and said, "Putting the shoe on will not make it fit! It doesn't matter how often I try!!!!"
"Don't you think it is the same thing when you hurt people to try to take away the hurt you feel in your heart?" Dean asked.
The child admitted that getting angry and lashing out wasn't fixing the hurt.
"How about you try something different," Dean suggested, "You can ask mom and dad to help you, then you wouldn't have to carry this hurt all by yourself."
This analogy didn't solve the problem but if someone in the family gets stuck making the same poor choice, ourselves included, Dean or I can be counted on to say, "Maybe we should try on one of dad's shoes....." and the guilty party promptly gets the point. The comment doesn't always solve the problem but it does get people thinking.
Dean and I fall into the rut of either too much structure and not enough nurture or vice versa. We know better but our human weaknesses get in the way.
One evening Dean was trying to impress upon a certain child that when life is hard, alienating people and lashing out will not solve the problem. A hard lesson for anyone, much less a child.
He gave the child one of his work boots and said, "Put my boot on and see if it fits." The child of course was adamant that it would be too big.
"Keep putting it on, maybe it will eventually fit," he encouraged.
The child looked at him and said, "Putting the shoe on will not make it fit! It doesn't matter how often I try!!!!"
"Don't you think it is the same thing when you hurt people to try to take away the hurt you feel in your heart?" Dean asked.
The child admitted that getting angry and lashing out wasn't fixing the hurt.
"How about you try something different," Dean suggested, "You can ask mom and dad to help you, then you wouldn't have to carry this hurt all by yourself."
This analogy didn't solve the problem but if someone in the family gets stuck making the same poor choice, ourselves included, Dean or I can be counted on to say, "Maybe we should try on one of dad's shoes....." and the guilty party promptly gets the point. The comment doesn't always solve the problem but it does get people thinking.
The picture which prompted this post.
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