Tuesday, February 28, 2017

A Testimony Of Praise After Disruption

Yesterday Dean and I enjoyed lunch with the folks from TAP where B spent nearly 2.5 years beginning in June of 2013. We have been blessed by their wisdom and continued concern for our family since B has moved on. 

A year ago B's move was still very fresh in my mind. The mere mention of his name brought pain and I wondered if I would ever feel whole again, if I would ever get beyond the guilt I felt over disrupting his adoption.

The agency who helped us legally disrupt the adoption asked if I would be willing to serve as a reference to other folks who inquire about their services. I agreed, never realizing what a unique healing opportunity helping others would be.

Sometimes it goes weeks between calls or emails from folks wondering about Second Chance, the agency we used, other times I get several questions in a matter of days. Being able to offer hope to people who are in such turmoil about the decisions they are facing is something that gives me joy. I remember when I called Second Chance, I had a protective wall ready to put up because in my emotional pain and grief, I wasn't sure I could bounce back if I was condemned for wanting to do such a dreadful thing. I had learned the lesson, "Not everyone who is supposed to help you will do so," well, and I was ready to defend myself. Hearing a kind understanding voice on the phone was a blessing. My desire is to help others like the folks at Second Chance helped me and having the opportunity to offer hope is one way I can do that.

All that to say, nearly a year after disrupting the adoption, I feel at peace with the decisions Dean and I made. I know B is healthy, he has opportunities in his new family that we couldn't provide due in part to the other special needs in our family. Does it still hurt? Of course! I think there will always be an ache when I think over what could have been if the years of therapy had been enough to heal B.

When you have to make a decision like we did - the decision to disrupt an adoption in order to save the rest of the family, it brings a host of feelings. A year later I can see the healing that has taken place in our other children now that our lives do not include RAD. I am not saying that children who have a sibling with RAD cannot thrive, not at all. I am saying that for our children, particularly the ones who experienced loss in early child hood, it was for their good. It was also good for B to be in a home where he is not constantly faced with the past, he was able to make a fresh start and for that we praise God!

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