Claiming My Circus

October always brings back memories of Braden, as this is the month the ICPC paperwork went through and he could move to his new family. As time goes on we tend to forget how hard things were and grief on a new level sets in.

I was feeling rather defeated yesterday so I burned some candle's to brighten the day.

Tristan gave this candle for my birthday

Flowers from a friend

We have bunnies once more! They are cute when they are little but like all animals, they grow up and the cuteness disappears.

I bought a Go Fish game with the alphabet on the cards to help Lia with her sounds. Some days she can put sounds together and read words, other days they may as well be Greek.  I will admit seeing her on again, off again learning ability took some accepting because I know what is behind it.

Kiana had a rough week again. The other week she had a crisis and we realized we need to keep her talking to keep her from getting so low. Easier said than done as getting her to talk brings on floods of  tears and rages. We did pretty good for a few days then slowly slacked off and guess what happened? Down she went! It was building up all week and threatened to erupt on Thursday but we went to Grandma for lunch which forced her to get on top of things. Yesterday she spent the day huddled in her blanket because I couldn't get her to talk. Because of her issues with me as her mom Dean can get her to talk much better than I can. In her mind, unreasonable though it may be, I am the source of her troubles. Last Saturday it took till midnight till she finally gave in and told us what we really going on. Last night it only took a little over an hour so maybe we are making a little progress! She keeps saying, "I wish I could feel good again, I want to be like other girls!" 

Kiana had an appointment with her Lyme doctor on Friday and she said she had recently attended a Lyme Summit where they mentioned that the essential oils oregano, cloves and cinnamon have, in some people, suppressed Lyme even more than antibiotics. She said there is no scientific studies out to prove it but she felt it was worth a try, especially since those oils won't cause any harm. We are waiting for the results for the coinfection tests as I failed to include some info which delayed the results. Was so frustrated with myself! 

Joseph has been reacting to Kiana's decline with meltdowns of his own. Sometimes when they are both going off at once I wonder who's circus I stepped into. :) Tristan keeps saying he feels sorry for me (most of their rage is directed towards me) I told him that I don't take it personally as I know they are letting out their pain in the only way they know how. He can't understand how I am not offended by the things they yell at me and I have a hard time explaining why it would hurt if he said the things they say but when they tell me I am a stupid old lady, I just brush it off and wait for the hug I usually get when the storm has passed.

I have learned (or am learning) to embrace the circus and joyfully claim the monkeys!