Friday, March 30, 2018

Grief Is Love With No Place To Go - Living With Trauma

Someone shared this with our support group and I fell in love with it. I thought it perfectly sums up what it is like to parent children who cannot or doesn't want to be parented. 

When you adopt a child, you don't do so thinking, "Someday my child may be hurting so badly due to past trauma, that he will do his best to destroy our family."

You fully intend to love and care for him. To meet all his needs as well as supply some of his wants, just to see him smile.

You wanted to hug him close, tuck him in at night and hear him whisper, "Good night."

You dreamed of spending one on one time with him. Of building your relationship, and teaching him about Jesus.

You looked forward to passing on the treasure's you saved from your childhood. Watching him play with your old toys would be such a joy.

You wanted to shower him with love and affection, because that is what being a parent is all about.

You never dreamed that your child might not be able to handle a close relationship with you. That he might not trust you, even after he has been in your home for 10 years and always had his needs met. You didn't know some children have been hurt so badly in their short lifetime that they may not be able to function in a family setting. Who knew that some children feel safest when they are inflicting pain on others because it gives them a sense of control?

Because you love your child, you refrain from hugs, knowing that he fears physical touch.

You watch from afar as a stranger meets your child's needs because you couldn't keep him safe in your home. 

You listen as your child tells a stranger his deepest wishes because in his mind a stranger is safer than his own parents.

You watch your child make poor choices and long to help him get on the right path, but he wants nothing to do with you. 

You cry as he gets into trouble yet again, knowing the hard road he has ahead of him.

And you feel grief. Heart wrenching grief. Grief hurts. It rips deep into your heart until it feels like physical pain. As you analyze your hurt, you come to realize that what you are really feeling is loss...the loss of an opportunity to love your child in the way you always dreamed.

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