Saturday, June 8, 2013

Decisions

We have had quite a week! Bradens issues have been getting decidedly worse and things came to a head on Monday. He had a really bad day. Didn't want to do anything he was asked to. If I told him to pick up a toy he got a book instead, when told to do his strong sitting he cried and kicked and told me what he thought of it. Till evening he was totally out of sorts and the rest of the family wasn't in much better shape. Braden was supposed to be doing his strong sitting but was doing anything he could to irritate Tristan who was quietly reading. When Tristan ignored him, Braden kicked Tristans magazine out of his hand and ripped it. Tristan promptly punched Braden in the back. Suddenly I viewed the situation with "new eyes". The boys are big enough to hurt each other and while Tristan must learn not to retaliate, is it fair to put him in a situation where a sibling harasses him constantly day after day? I was also beginning to be afraid I would lose my temper and do something I would regret. Dean and I talked it over and decided Braden would need to stay elsewhere for the summer. I emailed his therapist and told her how things were going and informed her Dean was coming along to therapy to discuss out of home placement. Just to clarify things, the examples I gave were just to give you an idea of the kind of things we deal with. There were many, many more things going on and some were very intense!
   On the way to therapy I was feeling like I was going to trial because I was not at all sure Miss Laura would agree with us. She did, thank God! She said she will support us in what ever we decided and each family needs to know when they have had enough. When you reach that place it is in everyone's best interest to make other arrangements. Our options were limited: find a foster family familiar with RAD and see if they would take him for the summer, place him in a RTC, Do an intense two week family therapy or find a family from the Mennonite circles who would take him in. The latter looked most appealing but we weren't sure whom to ask. I went home and googled Christian therapeutic programs and found one in MD who takes boys Bradens age, they are adoptive parents who had a daughter with RAD, they provide on site schooling with their own tutor and best of all they could take him at any time! God moved mountains and opened doors! I had a major shopping trip to make in order to get the appropriate clothing, doctor app, paperwork, baby sitters etc.... but it all came together and Lord willing we will be taking Braden down on Monday.
  People ask how I feel about this. Good question, the answer is different from one moment to the next! I am relieved because we now know Braden cannot heal in our home without outside help. I feel guilty because other families care for troubled children and those children heal without "going away" why couldn't we help Braden? I feel joy because Dean and I were losing our other childrens hearts due to resentment and the intense power struggles the children witnessed. I also feel a huge sense of awe that God moved and made this possible! it is incredible! Things like this do not just happen, usually there is a many month waiting list but they had a bed right now when we needed one. God is good and in control but I know we will need to be reminded of that many times in the future. Please pray that we can continue to make decisions that will help Braden heal so he can come home again. I also ask for prayers for Joseph. Braden is his bio brother and this all stirs up feelings of abandonment. He hasn't acknowledged it but I know that deep inside he is wondering when we will send him away as well.
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