Thursday, June 13, 2013

Stretching and Growing

This morning my sister called and asked if we are getting adjusted. I thought, adjusted??? To what? There was this vague niggle in my brain that told me I should know what she is talking about. Suddenly it clicked! Oh yes, Braden is not here and she is wondering if we are getting used to it! I hadn't even given him a thought all morning. Granted I had only been awake about an hour but still I felt sad. The children don't mention him, it is almost as though he never lived here. How can we possibly "forget" a sibling/child in just a few short days? I guess it is true what another parent told me, "How do you miss stress/strife?" Later I went to hang a shirt in the boys closet and looked at the long row of shirts on Joseph and Bradens half and it hit me again. We have a child who isn't able to live at home. Miss Sharon called the other day to ask a few questions one of them being if Braden is able to bathe himself. It felt so wrong to tell another mom how to care for my child. Sometimes it feels like my emotions, trust, faith, my very being is getting stretched. I suppose stretching and growing is good but is it ever uncomfortable! When I grew comfortable being a mom we moved onto relating to others who were dealing with infertility, then it was foster care, then adoption, endometriosis, surgeries, RAD and now we are among those who have children living in another home due to mental health difficulties. In each stage of life I found friends who walked the same road but every few years we moved into a different "specialty" if you will and I learned to relate to another group of people. After awhile it feels as if I don't belong anywhere anymore. Normal mom things are on the back burner, endometriosis along with yearly surgeries to remove it are not on the radar at the moment, even RAD that monster that took up so much of our time and emotional health is now being pushed to the back of the line. So where do I belong??? I know these earthly trials are what keep us pushing on towards heaven!

In other news, Tristan is now the proud owner of a motor bike! It is an ancient thing that looks pretty funny but who cares about looks? When Joseph saw it he told me, "Daddy bought a John Deere motorcycle!" It kept Dean and Tristan occupied all evening. I even drove the thing. Once was enough for me. It bucked and jerked about while I tried to keep it upright and not fall off. Dean and Tristan just stood there and laughed. At 9 my son has already passed me up in the dirt bike riding field. 

Last night our neighbors took Kiana and Joseph along to Bible School at their church. They left their 5 month old prison baby here since they didn't have enough room for all the car seats in their vehicle. It kinda gave me baby fever again. Trevor is a happy little fellow and hardly made a peep all evening. Luna just loved him. He spit up a little and poor Luna was so grossed out. She was like, "Mom, baby, baby!" We spent the evening in the dark. They are replacing some poles among other things along our road and they dropped a pole onto the wires. We heard this booming sound, the lights flickered several times and then it went dark. Our dogs went nuts, running around the house barking and whining. Dean put our AC window units in via flashlight so when the electric came back on around 9:30 we could cool our house down before bedtime. 

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