Here Am I, Send Me!

God has been convicting me of my attitude concerning our children's special needs. I get so tired of the constant neediness, reteaching a concept over and over again, only to find the child has retained less than 5% of what I was drilling into him. Tired of trying to figure out what is causing negative behavior, if my children are telling the truth or creating another elaborate lie. Why is it that children with FASD can tell a complex lie but do not have the ability to tell me the truth? 

   Our Sunday School lesson was on Job and how he questioned God and became discouraged. Job couldn't see what was going on in the spirit world. At that time he didn't know God had told Satan, "Consider my servant Job...."  Would I stand or fall if I were in Job's position? Sunday evening we heard about Moses and how he had to go back to Pharaoh and tell him all the things that would befall him if he didn't let the Children of Israel go. Moses had left Egypt after killing a man and probably thought he would never go back but God called him out of the desert and told him to go to Pharaoh. Moses went. Am I willing to say, "Here am I, send me?" Am I willing to go where God send's? I know I have been fighting against this road God has called us to walk. Not that I don't love my children but sometimes I just wish the days weren't so hard. I spent Monday and Tuesday mulling over everything I had heard on Sunday.

  This morning for devotions I did a chapter in the book: I Can Do Hard Things, by Havilah Cunnington and the lesson was called: Get Off The Couch.... the couch of self pity where we sometimes find ourselves resting so comfortably. We sit there and despair, asking "Why me?" It's a place where the enemy wants us to believe God somehow actually gave us more than we could handle and instead of being a Father to us, we were left to depend on ourselves. The enemy likes to imply to us that God is not a good Father but rather a forgetful Father. Someone who likes to give us more than we can handle, only to watch and judge us for our lack of ability to follow through and do things well. It's a lie that we can easily buy into. The enemy likes us to stay in our pit. He will try to get us to buy into any lie he can to keep us bound, never victorious, and always feeling defeated. When we begin to expose the lie, we understand the Bible says it rains on the just and the unjust. We are not being punished but simply live in a fallen world.

  I wish I could copy the whole chapter here but since I can't here is the link to buy your own copy of Havilah's book. I am sure you won't be disappointed!

  All that to say, God has been working in my heart and as humans do, I had high ideals. I already failed miserably but with God's help I will try again tomorrow. The following song is a favorite of mine. I need to print it out and hang it on my fridge as a daily reminder to depend on His grace rather than my weak strength.

He Giveth More Grace

He giveth more grace when the burdens grow greater,

He sendeth more strength when the labors increase;

To added affliction He addeth His mercy;

To multiplied trials, His multiplied peace.

When we have exhausted our store of endurance,

When our strength has failed 'ere the day is half done,

When we reach the end of our hoarded resources,

Our Fathers full giving is only begun.

Fear not that thy need shall exceed His provision,

Our God ever yearns His resources to share;

Lean on the arm everlasting, availing;

The Father both thee and they load will upbear.

His love has no limit; His grace has no measure,

His pow'r has no boundary known unto men;

For out of His infinite riches in Jesus,

He giveth and giveth and giveth again!