Thursday, April 30, 2015

A RAD Video

I have watched this clip several times and it never fails to bring up the feelings of panic, disbelief, frustration, terror and pain I felt every single day while parenting Braden. It is amazing how much healing time can bring about. Last night I was missing Braden and thinking, maybe we should bring him home, maybe it wasn't as bad as I thought it was. I can't believe I even thought that.
        I watched a video we took of one of our "discussions" with Braden. He was full of control and had fully convinced himself that he would be much happier living in the woods by himself. If he lived in the woods he wouldn't have to build any relationships, no one could abandon him and he could be fully in control of his life. That looked like a much better alternative to living in a home and being under the authority of two adults, especially when those adults insisted on loving him. 
   As an adoptive parent of a child who has RAD, I question and re-question myself time and again. What if we would have done things differently, what if we would have flew across the country and found an attachment therapist even though his CW said he was perfectly healthy and local therapists said he was to young for therapy? If only I would have known about RAD when Braden came to us, would he have been able to heal? I know this line of reasoning doesn't help anyone and since we cannot change the past, why continue mulling over it?
  I think the answer to that question is simple: I still haven't come to grips with the knowledge that I have an 8 year old son who is emotionally unhealthy and cannot live at home. What kind of mom does that make me?

Lia loves to play doctor. Kiana and Joseph get tired of being her patients and I will admit that I get tired of it sometimes as well. Last night no one wanted to help her play and both Dean and I were busy so I suggested she doctor her kitty.

Tristan stopped long enough for her to check his ears.
Dean explaining Tristan's math lesson. This picture brought back memories of my dad and I sitting at the kitchen table. Math was not my favorite subject to say the least and many times he sat down with me, explaining and re-explaining how to work my math facts. Some rather heated discussions take place over this particular book but Tristan is always glad for his dad's help.

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