We have been talking about building onto our house for quite some time and now it is actually happening. I knew it would be dirty, busy, messy etc but I forgot trauma. How dare I? Sometimes I get annoyed with myself for not thinking ahead and expecting the trauma drama, I mean we have lived with this for 7 years now, one would think the lesson would stick. Sadly, I still forget and am still rudely shocked with trauma comes knocking.
This weekend we began taking the bricks off the side of the house and Joseph and Kiana were so worried. Will there be a hole in our house, will they knock out our bedroom wall, where will I sleep and of course the fear that is always present: what about me, will you still love me, will you still be here for me, how will my life change?
This morning the builders were here for awhile and poor Joseph was overwhelmed with fear, he refused to get off the sofa, then he planted his feet firmly together and wouldn't walk out to the van. Thankfully Dean was still home and he assured Joseph that everything will look exactly the same when he gets home from school. All it took was daddy affirming what mom had been telling him. His face brightened, he strapped his seat belt and all was right with his world once more.
Kiana isn't as vocal about her fear's. She acts out and it takes all the patience I can muster to react calmly and assure her she is safe and she is loved. When we have brought down her anxiety, she is able talk and work through her fears.
Lia hasn't been much better. Defiant, into everything and tantrums over the smallest things. When I am tempted to get frustrated, I remember school just started, she doesn't understand what we mean when we tell her we are building her a new bedroom, all she knows is that things are changing and change is scary.
It is also helpful for me to remember trauma doesn't tell time. Trauma takes time, patience and understanding. It is hard not to get frustrated when you are doing all you can to help a victim of trauma and they just don't seem to be getting better, but if you consistently stay calm, cool and collected (telling myself this) the wound will begin to heal. It is easy to do the right thing when your child melts down and you have the time and resources to help them work through it. But when you are busy canning, it is past time for supper to be in the oven, you are anticipating an important phone call any minute and your baby is crying, then it is really tough to put everything aside and meet the needs of a child who is sobbing because his shirt has a hole in it and now he won't have anything to wear, he might get cold and does mom still love me?
This weekend we began taking the bricks off the side of the house and Joseph and Kiana were so worried. Will there be a hole in our house, will they knock out our bedroom wall, where will I sleep and of course the fear that is always present: what about me, will you still love me, will you still be here for me, how will my life change?
This morning the builders were here for awhile and poor Joseph was overwhelmed with fear, he refused to get off the sofa, then he planted his feet firmly together and wouldn't walk out to the van. Thankfully Dean was still home and he assured Joseph that everything will look exactly the same when he gets home from school. All it took was daddy affirming what mom had been telling him. His face brightened, he strapped his seat belt and all was right with his world once more.
Kiana isn't as vocal about her fear's. She acts out and it takes all the patience I can muster to react calmly and assure her she is safe and she is loved. When we have brought down her anxiety, she is able talk and work through her fears.
Lia hasn't been much better. Defiant, into everything and tantrums over the smallest things. When I am tempted to get frustrated, I remember school just started, she doesn't understand what we mean when we tell her we are building her a new bedroom, all she knows is that things are changing and change is scary.
It is also helpful for me to remember trauma doesn't tell time. Trauma takes time, patience and understanding. It is hard not to get frustrated when you are doing all you can to help a victim of trauma and they just don't seem to be getting better, but if you consistently stay calm, cool and collected (telling myself this) the wound will begin to heal. It is easy to do the right thing when your child melts down and you have the time and resources to help them work through it. But when you are busy canning, it is past time for supper to be in the oven, you are anticipating an important phone call any minute and your baby is crying, then it is really tough to put everything aside and meet the needs of a child who is sobbing because his shirt has a hole in it and now he won't have anything to wear, he might get cold and does mom still love me?
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