Wednesday, October 28, 2015

RAD And Unconditional Love

     Can anything good come from RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder)? The immediate response that comes after such a question is, "No, absolutely not!" RAD has torn strong family's apart, destroyed relationships, had parents charged with false allegations, ruined millions of dollars in property and the emotional toll on caregivers is incalculable BUT......

   For the christian who desire's to become more like Christ, RAD does give one thing, the opportunity to practice unconditional love. Think about it, in most situations you have the opportunity to either remove yourself from an abusive situation or your home or job can be your refuge. You are comforted and given space to work through your emotions, not so with RAD.

      When you parent a child with RAD, you get the brunt of the abuse but since this is a child and you are the parent, well obviously the problem lies with you.

     You need to keep a constant eye on your child so babysitters are generally not an option. There is always professional respite care but these folks are mandated reporters and your child will lie and falsely accuse you so unless you trust someone explicitly, that might not be an option either.

   You need to take your child's abuse with a smile on your face, calmness of heart and without a word of anger or frustration... if you want your child to heal, which you do with all your heart.

     Seldom do you have someone in your home who shamelessly and relentlessly tries to tear your marriage apart. A little pint sized or adult sized individual who seeks out opportunities to get between you and your spouse.

     But on the bright side parenting a child with RAD will teach you more about human relationships than you ever wanted to know. You will learn to "read" people as well, which by the way is not always a good thing. You will have moment by moment opportunities to choose to love someone you have a difficult time liking.  

    You will learn that love comes in many shapes and sizes, in packages that you would once have considered anything but loving. 

    You will learn to lay aside your own broken heart and help the one who has broken it. 

     You will have many opportunities to consistently practice the golden rule: "Do unto others as ye would have them do unto you. "You will learn to put a smile on your face and have that smile reach your eye's even though your stomach is threatening to consume itself because of the lying and out right hate your child is dishing out. 

    Parenting a child with RAD will either draw you closer to Jesus or push you away. In our experience, for which we are thankful, RAD brought us closer to Jesus. We had to rely on God when we needed answers and there weren't any to be found. Is that such a bad thing? Not at all. 

*disclaimer: this post is written from a RAD parents perspective and is in no way intended to take away from your personal experience. The very same lessons we learned can be learned via many situations and circumstances. God Bless!

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