"It is faith alone, in Christ alone, which moves God, when you are alone." Rex Rouis
I remember when Dean and I had to make some tough decisions about B's future. We felt so alone. We sought advice from others, but at the time we didn't know anyone who had disrupted an adoption, so no one could share their personal story with us. We knew God promises to guide us if we pray in faith but the enemy was always there, showering us with doubts and fears. If we were making a decision no one had made before, surely we were wrong, right?
We knew B couldn't remain at TAP, nor could he come home, so we prayed, asking God for direction and he graciously provided it in the form of an article on my FB page. This story showed up on my page one day and as I read the article, I felt God saying, "Here is your answer." Dean and I talked about it, prayed, I did some research and we continued to feel that this was the path God wanted us to pursue.
"Faith expects from God what is beyond all expectation." Andrew Murray
Dean encouraged me to call Cyndi and get some more information on their program. I made the call with fear and trembling, after our bout with CPS, I had a healthy fear of people misinterpreting our desire to help B. I needn't have worried, Cyndi was so kind and by her questions I knew she intimately understood my pain, she didn't condemn me or ask me why we didn't try this, that or the other thing. She didn't ask me how we could ever consider getting rid of our child, as so many others had done.
We were certain God was directing us to pursue Cyndi's program but making that phone call took an incredible amount of faith and courage. The quote, "If God brings you to it, he will also bring you through it," came to mind as I dialed Cyndi's number. I was afraid but the peace that passeth understanding was present as well. The same peace we felt when we were working with CPS and had to answer their accusations, was present assuring me this was God's will.
I don't know if making the decision to disrupt an adoption should even be likened to the priests crossing the Jordan River, but I do know the God who was guiding and directing them so long ago, is still on the throne. When you have a seemingly impossible task ahead, pray in faith and God will answer. The peace and assurance God gives when you are facing some of life's toughest problems is beyond description. To know that God is leading and directing your footsteps brings such peace and joy that trials can begin to feel like blessings.