A Year Of Healing And Pain

A year ago B's ICPC paperwork was approved which meant he could move to his new family. I still remember how I felt when Dean told me, like I was suffocating, drowning, dying... something of the sort. We were expecting to have the paperwork approved at any time but when it actually happened, I discovered I wasn't as prepared as I thought I was.

 There are days I am amazed at how badly it still hurts when I think over the past 8 years, other times I am just as amazed at how much healing has taken place. 

   The memories feel like a bad dream until I feel the physical pain that goes with emotional trauma. Then I know it wasn't a dream at all, it really did happen.

  We are reliving the pain through memories but we don't have the adrenaline rush to cushion the hurt like we did when these things were happening. I think that is at least partly responsible for the exhausted and overwhelmed feeling I get just from living life. 

  So are we in a better place than we were a year ago? Absolutely! Do we have a long way to go? Absolutely!

  Thanks to everyone who remembered us this month. The prayers, gifts and flowers mean more than we can say

These beautiful flowers come from a friend from CA. This friend has her plate more than full, but she took time out of her day to bless us. Lia was disappointed to hear the flowers did not get an airplane ride even though the giver lives in CA.