Monday, February 13, 2017

A Hard Conversation

Saturday morning was bit rough around here. I blame it on the full moon/eclipse.... you need to blame it on something, right? 

A certain child was blasting me for adopting him.* According to him, if I wouldn't have adopted him he would still be living with his birth mom and life would be great. Yeah, the bio parent fantasy was in high form. Dean and I have had the foster care/caseworker/adoption talk with our children many times over the years but it never seemed to really sink in, or maybe they just don't believe us. 

I walked the child through the process once more adding a bit more information. "When a baby is born with drugs in his system, the doctor reports it to a caseworker who then works with the family," I explained. "When the caseworker realized that your mom wasn't able to care for you, she called people who were able to take care of a baby. Our names were on that list and when the caseworker called, we said yes, we would love to take care of you. I didn't take you from your mom," I clarified, "The caseworker did that."

That was old news to the child and he wasn't persuaded that living with us was a good thing so I showed him video's of babies going through withdrawal. I told him about some of the symptoms he had, the medications he had to take as well as why and how drugs and alcohol affect a baby. I saw the light go on and cheered inside. "YES!" All this talking is getting us somewhere.

For the rest of the day this child was rather subdued. He obeyed willingly rather than telling me what he thought of my requests and was respectful when spoken to. 

Of course the results of our chat didn't last, but at the same time there is a new level of understanding on my child's part. Now he has to come to grips with the fact that his mom hurt him. He looked at Dean with tears in his eye's and said, "Why would my mom hurt me on purpose?" I was glad he asked Dean because I was out of answers. Dean replied, "Think about when mom tells you to do something and you get angry. Do you want to hurt mom?" The child shook his head no so Dean continued, "You don't really want to hurt mom but you are angry so you yell at her anyway, right? That is how it was with your birth mom, she didn't want to hurt you but she did anyway because of her need for drugs." That was the perfect answer, it helped our child feel better but also helped him understand that his mom was caught up in something bigger than she could handle.

Please continue to pray for Dean and I and our children. As they grow and are able to understand more, they are faced with hard decisions that many of us know nothing about. Thanks for all the prayers over the years, there is no doubt that they are behind the healing that has taken place in our family.

*"he" is used to protect the child involved

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