Last night Dean and I decided our family needs a year off. A year to regroup, a year with no social pressure, a year of peace and quiet. I told Dean I will pray for that opportunity, but he advised me to be careful what I pray for! :)
I follow a group called The Mighty, they spread awareness of the unique challenges people face and how they overcome them. Recently there was a story entitled You Know You're A Spoonie If. Of course the title caught my eye and I knew this was one story I have to read. The author writes that each day she is given an allotment of spoons. Each task requires a spoon and she must decide which things she wants to do because she will not have enough spoons/energy to do even the necessary things in life, much less the fun things. Her description was perfect for where our family is finding ourselves.... we don't have enough spoons to reach around, worse yet we haven't for years and we are burning out due to the lack of spoons.
Dean and I have been discussing ways to "conserve our spoons," and we are certainly open to any advice. Most people advise us to get some time away. But there is one problem, our children are to emotionally fragile right now. Plus, I don't have enough spoons to cope with each day and the thought of dealing with the fall out is too much. The biggest weight of all is knowing my withdrawal is years away from improving and at least some of the children's mental health issues are permanent.
My only consolation is that God knows what He is doing. He knows how our story will end and it will be according to His time and plan. None of the things that have blindsided us over the past years were a surprise to Him and thus far He has faithfully brought us through each day. Most days I can remember to trust and not fear. But there are days/weeks when it is too much and my ability to hope is obscured by pain and I lose my way.
Today I am thanking God for the sunshine and if you know of a secluded place where families can spend a year healing from trauma, please let me know! :)