Monday, October 30, 2017

No Boundaries -Living With FASD

No boundaries is one of our biggest struggles with two of our children at the moment. They have no sense of what is off limits, even though we tell them time and again.

Due to needing Dean or I to monitor him at all times unless he is playing in his room, Joseph doesn't get into as much trouble in this area as Lia does. We put an alarm on Joseph's bedroom door which greatly cut down down on the night time roaming. I do need to be aware of what he might get into if I send him on an errand. I can't tell him to put something away in a siblings bedroom because one never knows what he will touch or take. He isn't doing it to be naughty but because of his lack of understanding concerning boundaries, he takes what he wants....and gets furious when confronted.

Miss Lia on the other hand, is in to everything! Glue, tape, candy, gum, chap stick, stickers, trinkets....they all disappear if she is around. She likes it, so she takes it. I find stashes of "stuff" everywhere and anywhere. If I would keep her in line of vision, it would cut down on this, but I have a hard time watching two children all the time. I don't worry that Lia will get into something and hurt herself like Joseph would, so it is easier for me to let her run and then clean up after her.

Our children are not allowed in each others bedrooms without permission but somehow or another Joseph and Lia find themselves wandering through their siblings rooms. In their minds, everything is theirs.

Not understanding boundaries means they don't understand personal space or what is socially appropriate. Lia will still climb on other adults, beg others for snacks, throw fits in public and such. 

Both Joseph and Lia don't know when enough is enough, teasing someone is fun but only for so long and when the other person is tired of it, you stop. They don't get that which makes for some interesting interactions. 

In their minds anyone and everyone is simply a friend they haven't met. Stranger danger is totally missing in their vocabulary so teaching them about personal space is impossible - with strangers and friends alike. 

I received this reply from someone who has FASD. It was too good not to share, so with his permission, here is his response:  Ahhhhh..."When dysmaturity of the brain rears it's confusing head"... I hear what you are saying. Totally 100%... I never knew a 'stranger' until I was older, myself. Hopped into cars, walked away with 'new' people... I get it.

From a purely develop
mental standpoint this illustrates how the different development speeds of various brain domains can affect our lives.
Toddlers live in a "me" centered world... that is how they cognitively see the world... all about them. From their experience mom/dad feed and care for them and they are free to roam their world. They do not realize it is a shared world at this point, their brain has not developed to the point where they can think "outside" where they are in that moment.
We often get stuck in that moment... and our brains do not realize that there IS an outside world yet... things just *appear* as if by magic... and they must be there for us. Why else would that be in my world?

So... fast forward to the child with FASD who may cognitively dysmature.... mature in other areas, but not getting things like personal space, ownership of objects and other abstract ideas. It does become a problem... toddlers are limited by mobility for a long while, we are not. Thus the challenge.

This level of cognition is bound to grow through time as the children's world enlarges, both in reality and in their own brains.... but that can take a while.
We just develop in our own time... and that's hard to understand for many people... including us. We often don't know "why" we did it... but we did.
It's bound to come one day... hang in there. 

like my fb page: Tales From Our House Blog to receive posts and view links I share on relevant topics

No comments:

Post a Comment

Thanks for commenting. I love hearing from my readers!