Tuesday, November 7, 2017


Anxiety: A feeling of worry or fear strong enough to interfere with ones daily activities.

My withdrawal has been a challenge to deal with lately. My symptoms change daily, with the worst ones typically lasting a few weeks. My most recent symptom is anxiety. While I hate it, I am also a wee bit thankful for it because it helps me understand my children better. 

The best way I can think to describe anxiety is a feeling of dread or doom. The feeling sweeps over me and I think, "Do I feel this way because something is going to happen and I am being warned?" Then I remember, this is just anxiety again and I force myself to quit worrying about the latest fear my brain has created. Since I am aware of the thought process that exacerbate's anxiety it is a bit easier for me to ward it off. 

Several of our children struggle with anxiety and one would think having dealt with it personally would make it easier to relate to them, sadly it doesn't always work that way.

Joseph has anxiety due to his FASD. He cannot rationalize, doesn't understand his world and is out of tune with his body and emotions. The perfect atmosphere for anxiety to percolate.

Lyme disease and PANS have brought about intense anxiety for Kiana. Along with anxiety, she suffers from intrusive thoughts which she despises and fears. She doesn't like bedtime because she worries that the intrusive thoughts will take over which causes anxiety which in turn stimulate her intrusive thoughts and round we go. Keeping her on oral anti inflammatory meds have helped keep her brain inflammation down. since the inflammation is the source of her negative thought patterns. 

This is some of what we deal with on a daily basis, manageable but frustrating. Then Dean went on an overnight business trip and the children's anxiety went through the roof. Kiana is certain her dad won't come home again. Nothing I say or do, makes her feel any better. Lia walked around sobbing yesterday because, "I just wish dad was home!" 

Our house was the scene of much wailing and lamenting yesterday morning. Today the wailing turned to rage. I feared for our patio door but once more it stayed in one piece despite the rough treatment it was getting. I couldn't make sense of it. They know Dean is coming home tonight so why all the big feelings? As I pondered it, it struck me, they are sure dad isn't coming home and since dad is supposed to be home tonight, they will soon be faced with their worst fear (or so they think.) Kiana's anxiety was so high today she spent the day in bed reading her new library books. I figured since she isn't hurting herself or disturbing the rest of the family, school work can just go on the back burner for the day. 

We can usually help our children through emotional junk by getting them to talk but they don't have words for their anxiety. They just say, "I am mad about something but I don't know what!" If anyone has advice for childhood anxiety, I am all ears.

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