Joseph has certainly reached a new level of comprehension. We had another "go" at breaking down the walls between us last night. I wish I could have recorded our conversation. I was amazed at his insight and ability to tell me how he felt. It started outside when Dean was fixing the fence because one of our calves got out. In hopes of helping Joseph understand why we have so many rules and boundaries for him, Dean asked a few simple questions such as, why we have a fence for the calves. Joseph said, "to keep them from running away." Dean asked if he thinks the calves would go in the woods if they got out of the pasture. Joseph thought they would. Would the calves grow big and strong if they got lost in the woods and didn't have food and water? Joseph got a little grumpy then because he knew where this conversation was heading! :) Dean explained that we have rules to keep Joseph safe and to help him grow big and strong just like we have a fence to keep our calves safe.
When they all came in for snack Dean told Joseph to tell me what they talked about. He got all snooty and refused to talk about it or else told big whoppers. I told Joseph that he is holding his hurt inside him and making it grow when he doesn't talk. I ended up holding him. Usually he throws a royal fit and it takes all my strength to hang on, this time though, he sobbed and cried. I left him cry because it seemed like a healing kind of angry. We talked about his mom again and I told him that she has a big hurt inside and she didn't want anyone telling her how to take care of her children. She felt just like Joseph does when he doesn't want anyone telling him what to do. I explained that if he can talk about those fences he will feel better inside. His response? I don't want to talk because it feels good to be mad inside. We then talked about how keeping the mad will keep him from growing big and strong inside. He said he wants to be like his mommy and keep the mad. So I told him that maybe her mom and dad never told her how to get rid of the mad so that she feels better. About then I got a brilliant thought! I told Joseph if he learns how to get rid of his mad feelings maybe someday he can meet his mommy and help her. That struck a chord with him and he was ready to go see her right away. I told him I don't have her address. His solution was to use my GPS. :) We did eventually get around to talking about why we have fences for him, he admitted it is to keep him safe. Then I asked him to show me how big his mad was before we talked. He spread his hands apart and then I had him show me how much mad he got rid of by talking. Was a good sized chunk, if I can go by his "measurements." He was happy, smiling and very obedient while getting ready for bed so we shall see what the morning brings. While this drama was going on in the family room, Dean and Tristan were having a talk in the boys' room. Tristan had gone stomping to his room complaining that life isn't fair and everyone is always mean to him etc.earlier in the evening. I didn't even ask Dean how they resolved that issue. I did ask him if he thinks all parents spend as much time talking as we do. I guess so long as we are getting results, we will be thankful we can break through by talking. Where were the girls while all this talking was going on? They were carrying on, giggling and climbing on the bunk beds. Luna has finally begun sleeping in the bottom bunk. She refused to stay in her crib so we got rid of the pack n play. I usually need to lay beside her bed until she falls asleep other wise she goes to visit her siblings in their beds and we need to begin the bedtime routine all over again.
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
I am a daughter of the King, wife to Dean and mother to four. 1 biological, 3 adopted through the foster care system. I enjoy reading, writing, coffee, research and caring for my family. Blogging is another hobby of mine, you can find my blog at: talesfromourhouse.blogspot.
com also follow me on FB Tales From Our House Blog. I blog about daily family life, Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), FASD (Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder) and adoption. I would love to have you follow my blog so I can share the amazing things I am learning.