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Sunday, November 17, 2013

Trust Me

The past two days have been stretching, exhausting, beautiful, encouraging and enlightening all at once. I have been taught about trust, faith, love and how great my God is. I have gone from despair to rejoicing and plunged back to despair so many times I will need a few days to sort everything out in my mind in order to process it all. Here is a short version of Friday and Saturday.

Friday morning we left home around 7:15. We dropped the girls off at friends/neighbors of ours who have their childline clearances and were able to keep Luna overnight. Tristan went to a school friend and Joseph stayed with my parents. We had reserved a motel in Capitol Heights MD. I dropped off Dean along with his stack of paper work that he wanted to work through while I spent time with Braden. I arrived at TAP right on 12:00. The plan was for Braden and I to go out for lunch together. First we went over the guidelines Miss Sharon had rehearsed with Braden; obey mom, no fake emotions and say, "Yes mom" when she tells you to do something. Saying, "Yes mom" is really hard for a child with attachment disorder because they are intentionally handing over the control to the parent. Such a small task is truly a monumental challenge for Braden. We went to Chipotles and enjoyed taco's and quesadilla's. When we arrived back at TAP, Braden, Sharon and I sat down and discussed how our lunch date had gone. He was pleased when I reported that he had done a wonderful job. Braden and I then had a one hour break. He showed me their animals, we played kickball and I pushed him on the swings. Then it was back to the house to get a few more instructions and we were free to go to the motel.
    We left Braden choose where he wanted to eat supper, he chose Papa Johns Pizza. There wasn't an eating area at the restaurant so we took our pizza back to the motel. Braden wanted to carry the pizza but it was hot so Dean told him he cannot. Usually that would have sent Braden into tantrum mode but not this time. He said, "ok" and that was it! After supper Braden got a little sad. He was worried that Miss Sharon was missing him and it made him sad to think she might be hurting!!!!! That is huge! This from a little boy who didn't know how to feel empathy for others. I was really tired so I rested while Dean and Braden browsed through a Home Depot Store that was nearby. While they were gone I suddenly felt the need to pray for their safety. Later Dean told me a man had stopped them in the parking lot, told them his story and asked for money. Dean told him he would pray for him and the fellow thanked him and left. God whispered, "See, you can trust me!"
   Saturday morning I realized I had left one of my medications at home. I go through severe withdrawal within three hours if I don't take this medication. My first response was to panic. In an almost audible voice God said, "Will you trust me?" I knew I wouldn't be able to work with Braden if I didn't have my meds. I prayed about it and we went to a nearby pharmacy. They called my home pharmacy to be sure I really did have a prescription and then gave me a pill! I was praising God when once more I heard that voice. "You can trust me!" What a mighty God we serve! I spent the day sitting on the sofa watching Miss Sharon and Mr. Eddie interact with the various children who are in their home. All of the children had attachment disorder except the Fullers own daughter. It was amazing to watch! Half grown children acting like toddlers, throwing fits then going to either Sharon or Eddie and asking for hugs and forgiveness. We plan to bring Braden home for a few days over Thanksgiving and I honestly cannot wait! Dean and I drove out the drive with thankful hearts and I heard that voice once more, "You can trust me." I didn't get pictures because I forgot my camera. Dean took a few but they aren't with the other pictures on the computer. Maybe I will be able to find them later.


I have been struggling with trust this past week. I want to trust God but my flesh is so weak. I have prayed about it but I still felt this great lack of faith and trust. I could not let Luna's case rest with God. My mind went around and around trying to figure things out. That is a dangerous thing to do as that is one of the first steps down the slippery slope to depression. That is why those whispers, "You can trust Me," meant so much. As always, keep praying that God's will would be done and we could feel that peace that passeth all understanding.


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