I like to tell my children that God gave them big hearts, big enough to love two moms and two dads. The thought never fails to get a smile from Joseph. Kiana however is able to rationalize and she understands that even though she has a big heart,she still has conflicting loyalties.
Kiana has been having a hard time processing adoption and loss. Every time our children climb another rung on the ladder of intellectual understanding, we have to process their adoption all over again. In some ways it gets easier because they understand more as they grow, in other ways it is harder because they begin feeling the pain of being "unwanted." Even though that is not the case at all, they have two sets of parents who dearly love them!
Anyway, Kiana has been being mouthy and defiant. Before you say that is typical, let me say that yes it is, Tristan can be the same way and he has a strong bond with us. It is different for Kiana however, because it was so obvious her behavior was driven by something. There was conflict written on her face but she refused to talk about what was going on.
Dean told me he thinks it is time Kiana and I sit down and have a talk again, so while he took the other children out to the shop Kiana and I talked. At first she clammed up and wouldn't say much. I kept after her until she buried her head in my neck and burst into sobs. I held her and left her cry it out. When she was ready to talk she said, "I don't want two mom's but I don't know which mom I want!" I love my birthmom but I want you too. When I am nice to you something inside me tells me I can't love two moms!" Poor girl!
We had the same conversation we have had so often before where I explain that she can love two mom's. I told her that her birthmom wants her to love me and she won't be sad if Kiana loves me. Your birthmom wants you to be happy Kiana, remember I told you how she couldn't take care of you and was so happy to see you safe and happy? That brought a smile to Kiana's face. Just then the phone rang and since it was a call I had to take, we never finished our conversation. Kiana has been a happy little girl again, it is so good to see her smile and be herself. I am so thankful for all the books and advice that is out there to guide us through these conversations.