Not In Vain

We had a very inspiring message yesterday morning on the suffering of Christ. It was impressed upon us how Jesus suffered alone. His disciples couldn't stay awake to watch and pray with him. Peter denied he knew him three times. Jesus had the power to stop the the crucifixion process at any time but He chose to go through the pain and suffering because He loved us and knew He had to die if we were to experience salvation.
   The message spoke loudly to me because this week I have been feeling alone. I know it is the enemy of my soul trying to discourage me and make me feel like we are the only family who is struggling in the particular way we are. I know we aren't, but my hurting heart would like to convince me I am alone. 
   All the dreams we had for Braden are slowly drifting away into oblivion. All the times we tried a new therapy, medication or doctor and got our hopes up.....nothing.
  Every friendship we lost while trying to help Braden has come back to burden me and the memory hurts just as bad as it did at first. Lord I cry, is our situation so hard to comprehend, is that why we receive so much condemnation? Why must we walk such a lonely path? Just that quickly, I find myself deep in self pity, a place I loathe.
   That is why the message we heard yesterday spoke so loudly to me. Jesus willingly suffered alone. He knew what was before him. He had the power to stop the process at any time but he chose to go through with it, for me and you. People mocked and tormented him but he kept his peace and said not a word and still he loved us! 
  When the message sank into my weary spirit, I was prompted to get up out of this place of deep sorrow and focus on what Jesus did for me. When I asked God to forgive me and thanked Jesus for what he had done for me, I felt Satan leave, defeated. 
   Does my heart still ache? Of course! But if this experience can help me in some small way better comprehend what my Savior did for me, then this pain isn't in vain.