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Thursday, April 16, 2015

Yes, We Still Love You

    Kiana and Joseph have had a rough week and so have their parents!  Joseph had quite a few good days in a row last week (when his brain is doing what it is supposed to do instead of firing randomly) so we knew things were going to blow sooner or later.  We occasionally get to see glimpses of the little boy he would have been if he wouldn't have FASD when he has a good day and it hurts. 
     Lia has begun to pass him emotionally and intellectually on his lower functioning days. On his good days however, he is way ahead of her. 
   When he isn't functioning well, he cheerfully (sometimes) follows Lia's lead. She plans what they play and is the boss and Joseph does what she tells him to. On his good days however, he wants to be outside playing boy things and he is the one who bosses Lia around. You can imagine how well that goes down on her part. Suddenly the brother who is content to be the dad when they play house with their stuffed animals and play hide and seek with her, no longer wants to do those kinds of things, instead he is racing on his bike and digging for "war stuff" in the woods. He told me he is going to dig until he finds things from the war because one of his classmates found stuff. :)
   Kiana is sure we don't like her anymore and if for some reason we do like her, we will soon stop because she does naughty things. The fear drives her to quite the behavior, which had us baffled. I asked her if we love Tristan even though he..... or Joseph even when he does ...... and she said she knows we do but we might stop loving her. Seems we heard that line from her brother not so long ago. I asked her if she ever did anything naughty before or if this was the first time. She gave me an odd look and said she did lots of naughty things before. "Were they all little naughty things or were there some big things to?" I asked. She said she did some pretty big naughty things before so I asked if we had still loved her then. Kiana nodded and got a relieved look on her face. "So do you think I will stop loving you now" I asked. She shook her head and gave me a hug. A few minutes later she came to me and handed me this note.
                
These are the moments that make parenting children with trauma rewarding. When we can see them grasping that we really do love them and will love them no matter what. 
A funny quote from Joseph: "I am glad I am a Zimmerman because Zimmermans... at least most of them, know their nouns."

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