Recently a friend loaned me a stack of books to read, among them was the book Forgiven, by Terri Roberts. Terri is the mother of Charles Roberts, the man who was responsible for shooting several school girls in Nickle Mines, Pennsylvania a number of years ago.
Terri writes about the grief counselor Cheri, who helped them work through the trauma of this experience. I found healing in the words Cheri shared, "You will cry buckets of tears. Right now your buckets are full to overflowing, and nothing has to happen for those tears to flow, but that will gradually subside. It is not that tears will not continue to come. But in time those buckets will no longer be full. Over time, as the level of tears goes down, you'll find more resilience in life, but there will always be an inch of tears in the bottom of the bucket."
"An inch of tears in the bottom of the bucket," what a perfect description of grief and loss. I think I cry easier now than I ever have in my life. The "inch of tears in the bucket of my heart," overflow without warning. Tears are healing though, there is something about crying that cleanses the heart. They act as a type of relief valve when the pain reaches a certain level.
I have really been struggling since B left, most of the time I didn't have words to describe what I was feeling although guilt, relief and loss were the main three. After a row of "good days" I awoke one morning with a feeling of heaviness and sorrow. I figured it was just going to be one of those days where I was going to have to put forth extra effort to stay on top of things. That evening Dean asked me if I remembered the date. I didn't, so he reminded me that it was B's birthday. Now the heavy feeling made sense! Of course the tears came, but they felt so good. I cried for the loss of B, for the years of pain and because we weren't able to help him but when the "inch of tears in my bucket" were dried up, I felt much better.
As I thought about B and the sadness I felt but couldn't quite place earlier in the day, I had to think of my children. When they have big feelings, we try so hard to figure out what is behind it all. Sometimes we come up empty handed and I will admit it can be frustrating trying to help a child figure out what is bothering them, only to put them to bed with the issue unresolved. Being triggered and not knowing why was a good lesson for me, there isn't always a visible answer for the big feelings. Sometimes it is best to cry with your children and tuck them into bed, then pray for a better tomorrow. Other times you have to tuck them in and go have a good cry by yourself because they don't want you around.
"Tears are how our heart speaks when our lips cannot describe how much we've been hurt."
"Nothing is more beautiful than a real smile that has struggled through tears."
"Rain falls because the clouds can no longer handle the weight. Tears fall because the heart can no longer handle to pain."
A women did a study on tears, she found that different tears have different "shapes." You can read the full article here. Who but our great God, could create something so small with such great detail!
tears from laughing until crying
tears of change
tears of grief
tears from onions
Tuesday, January 19, 2016
An Inch Of Tears
I am a daughter of the King, wife to Dean and mother to four. 1 biological, 3 adopted through the foster care system. I enjoy reading, writing, coffee, research and caring for my family. Blogging is another hobby of mine, you can find my blog at: talesfromourhouse.blogspot.
com also follow me on FB Tales From Our House Blog. I blog about daily family life, Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), FASD (Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder) and adoption. I would love to have you follow my blog so I can share the amazing things I am learning.