I am so thankful it is springtime outdoors because in my heart it feels like the dead of winter. Storms howl through my life and the lives of friends, leaving devastation in their wake and I wonder, "Why so much pain and heartache, Lord?"
I have been playing music pretty much nonstop these past few days. Songs have a way of giving words and healing to my soul. The song, "Break Me Lord," has been a favorite of mine."Break Me Lord...even though I cannot understand how broken things become a blessing in your hand..."
As Christians, we desire to be broken before Jesus, but the actual breaking is so hard. There is joy and peace when we surrender but the surrendering is far from easy. I find myself thinking, "If only surrender was a once and done thing it wouldn't be so hard, but you have to do it over and over again."
Another song I have played over and over is:
WHY THE NIGHT
It's really dark and cold tonight,
And I'm so tired and all alone,
I see no ray of hope in sight,
Oh Lord, why did you ever make night?
I made the night so you would trust in me,
I made the night so you would place your hand in mine,
I made the night so in the early morning,
You could see my sun rise and shine.
Lord the pain is oh so hard to bear,
And the path ahead looks grim,
Then through the tears I hear you say,
Oh child, I'll hold you through the night.
Now as I place my trust in you,
I can see the first rays of dawn,
And I know that you are with me,
Oh Lord, I'm so glad you made the night.
On Saturday I spent the day at a Womens Seminar. I seldom if ever, go away for the day and leave the children home with Dean. My absence stirred up some big feelings in Kiana's heart. After I returned home, I was washing the dishes while thinking over the day when I felt a tap on my shoulder, it was Kiana. "I have some big feelings, I need to talk to you," she whispered. I dried my hands and asked her what was wrong. She told me she doesn't like when I go away. That was all she could say without getting choked up so I asked if my being away made her think how it would be if I died and didn't come home. She nodded her head and cried and cried. I cried with her, I didn't know what else to do. After awhile, she dried her tears and gave me a smile, "I feel better now," She said. I love helping my children but their pain and fear has a way of draining the life from my weary heart.
As I went about my duties today, I was thinking over the past weeks, my friends pain, my daughters pain and Joseph's struggles as well as my own health issues. Of course when my thoughts go down that path, they inevitably turn to B. It all began to feel rather overwhelming. Then the song, "Why The Night," began playing and Jesus whispered, "I made the night so you could rejoice when the sun rises, when new hope springs forth. Without the night, you wouldn't need to rely on me, without the night you might even forget me." When I look at the things that weigh me down in that light, I begin to feel a slight gratitude for them.
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Monday, April 25, 2016
Lord, Why Did You Make Night?
I am a daughter of the King, wife to Dean and mother to four. 1 biological, 3 adopted through the foster care system. I enjoy reading, writing, coffee, research and caring for my family. Blogging is another hobby of mine, you can find my blog at: talesfromourhouse.blogspot.
com also follow me on FB Tales From Our House Blog. I blog about daily family life, Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), FASD (Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder) and adoption. I would love to have you follow my blog so I can share the amazing things I am learning.