The other day Joseph had an appointment with a pediatric dentist. He has several cavities that need to be filled. Our family dentist tried to fill them but Joseph panicked and refused to open his mouth. They recommended the Cowboy Dentist in Lancaster. This dentist kept up a running commentary the whole time he looked at Josephs teeth and just as he had hoped, Joseph forgot about being scared. I took Braden along to the appointment and the dentist told Joseph that he did such a good job that when he is finished they will trade his brother in for a puppy and if mom doesn't agree to that, perhaps you can trade him for a pet rat. My heart sank, even though I knew he was just joking, Braden didn't. When they took Joseph for x rays Braden whispered, "Mom, would they trade me for a puppy or a rat?" I said, "Never, I wouldn't let them!" After explaining that the dentist was just teasing, Braden relaxed a little but he didn't let down his guard for the rest of the day. Prior to going to TAP Braden would have completely shut down after hearing something like that. This time he had the ability to tell me about his fear and my answer reassured him that he was safe. He is healing, praise God!Children who suffer from early childhood trauma cannot distinguish when someone is teasing or serious. I remember before Braden started Kindergarden a man asked if he is going to the school where they give all the spankings! I almost told him off but figured I would have to do to much explaining. I did attempt to reassure Braden but at that time poor boy had a difficult time trusting anyone so why should he have believed me?
I tend to be a sensitive, emotional person who lets the world know how I am feeling and/or what I am struggling with. I need deep relationships, not superficial ones. I have often wished I could be more happy go lucky and not let life's experiences shake me so hard. But perhaps if I wouldn't feel everything so deeply, I would not try so hard to develop deep bonds with my children. God had a plan when he had us walk through infertility.... it gave us an intense longing to have our arms filled with lives to mold and impression, that in turn led us to foster care and adoption where we met the little people who have taught us more about love and attachment than I could have possibly have learned in a lifetime without them. To often in our culture, it is looked down on to ask for help. To need help shows we are weak and that is not something anyone wishes to be labeled as. However, admitting you need help does not mean you are a failure, sometimes it means you are strong enough to to put your families needs above your ego. Someone once said that in order for someone to receive a blessing for giving their must first be a willing receiver. God has blessed me with the opportunity to be on both sides of the equation. We have a neighbor lady who babysits for me and then sends food along home for our supper, she stops by with coffee, cookies or packages that warm my heart. She is truly an inspiration to me.
Tristan came home from school with this request, "Mom, you need to go buy me new shoes tonight because we are going on a school trip tomorrow and will be climbing cliffs and my school shoes tore today." He claims he was running, heard a ripping sound and when he looked down there was a big hole in the side of his shoe. Really?? I never dreamed he would be so hard on shoes. Dean resewed Tristan's shoe with fishing line and now it is are as good as new, almost that is.
I put chicken bacon & ranch wraps in the "mens" lunches yesterday. My lunchable containers came in very handy!
This young man is working hard at having a successful home visit. He used to think one rough day meant his whole visit was spoiled and everything deteriorated from there on out. Miss Sharon likened his visits to an apple. If you have a perfectly good apple with one bad spot you don't throw the whole apple away, you get rid of the bad part and use the rest of the apple. The same way with visits, if you have a rough day that doesn't mean the whole visit is spoiled, you can always try again. There are so many concepts that a child learns as they grow and when the child is living in a state of hyper vigilance due to abuse or neglect those brain functions do not grow as they should. Bradens therapists have taught us a great deal about how the growing brain is affected by the various circumstances the child faces. We have been able to use that knowledge to better understand and care for our children (including our bio son!)
Dean spent several evenings putting in the new floor in our family room. I am so glad it is in and my house is semi presentable once more. I have curtains ordered and am anxious to see how they look.
